The Foreign Office

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"Are you quite sure you want to know this?"

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"The Foreign Office occupies two of the larger minarets and a copper pagoda in Wilmot's End. Wipe your feet."[1]

The Foreign Office is an almost completely autonomous wing of London's government[2] that is responsible for appointing colonial governors of Port Carnelian.[3] Staffed by spies and diplomats, it reports only to the Ministry of Public Decency, to which it submits monthly dispatches of its doings.[4] It is headquartered at a copper pagoda in Wilmot's End, which has become surrounded by an eclectic variety of architectural additions.[5]

Pay No Mind To Any Strange Noises...[edit | edit source]

"[There are] two major departments within the Foreign Office. They both have grand titles, but down here, they're known as the Face and the Teeth."[6]

The Foreign Office has two primary departments, which are colloquially called the Face and the Teeth.[7] They have a professional rivalry; each acknowledges the value of the other’s work, while disdaining the other’s methods.[8][9] Employment at the Office is for life. No one ever truly leaves, at least not officially.[10]

The Teeth[edit | edit source]

"Go to the University and note the names of any promising students. I'm looking for wit, resourcefulness and a certain lack of moral scruples. Soft, unblemished skin also goes a long way."[11]

Headed by the Devout Intriguer, the Teeth handle intelligence-gathering and the resolution of diplomatic incidents. They are often found far from London, but when they do remain within the city, they typically lurk in Wilmot's End or congregate in their chapel.[12] The Teeth are in fact entirely comprised of snuffers,[13] many of whom were recruited from the University.[14] Their chapel is not Anglican, nor does it bear the symbols of any other Surface religion; rather, it features stained-glass birds, marble butterflies, golden bees, and statues of angels.[15] It is pertinent to note that all of these beings can fly, and thus "carry with them the airs of the Garden."[16]

The Face[edit | edit source]

"The Foreign Office doesn't usually take girls, but I talked to them. They couldn't say no after they heard her sing! Singing's very important, there..."[17]

The Face manage diplomats, foreign dignitaries, and overseas relations, and are overseen by the Cultured Attaché. Most of their members remain in London, stationed at the Foreign Office itself.[18] The Face usually recruit urchins and children of impoverished families[19] in a program called the Songbird Initiative.[20] These children are selected for their good singing voices; if they accept an offer from a "Songbird" within the agency, they are removed from their former life and friends for security reasons,[21] and their families are financially compensated where possible.[22] Those who pass examination through a musical "performance" are educated and shaped for service,[19] creating squeaky-clean little diplomats loyal to the Office.[23] Most of the children recruited are boys, but exceptions may be made if a Songbird discovers a girl with an extraordinary voice.[24]

Perhaps the strangest thing about the Face, however, is their dining habits. Their agents may be elegant, witty, and polished, but they are appallingly mannered at the dinner table.[25] At the Office, the Face do not have a grand dining hall, only deep, velvet-draped booths for solitary diners and small groups.[26] And for good reason; they are cannibals,[27][28] and it is not uncommon for them to eat raw meat with their bare hands.[29] They worship a being they call "the Saint,"[30] whom they summon to the rooftop of the Office[31] via choir songs, hence their selection process.[32] It is their patron and protector, but also afflicts them with monstrous hunger and nightmares,[33] the latter of which must be soothed with a special tea grown in the Flit.[34] Outsiders may recognize this entity as the Vake.[35]

Other Known Departments[edit | edit source]

"They said I'd never make a decent spy. Not charming. Not attractive. Can't blend in. But once you're recruited, they don't let you go. And they have other uses. They have so many other uses. Just like this one. Allow me to lend you a knife!"[36]

The Toe is a secret department that employs imps as assassins.[37] Candidates lacking the necessary traits for traditional espionage are redirected here, at least if they happen to have a talent for murder.[38]

The archival wing manages the Office's extensive records.[39] Most documents are encrypted using elaborate nonsensical code.[40]

Historical Inspirations[edit | edit source]

The Foreign Office is located in a pagoda, which may have once been the Great Pagoda in Kew Gardens. The Pagoda is not a very large building in real life, but perhaps it could have been destroyed in the Fall of London and then rebuilt. All this said, it could also have been built around a Fourth City pagoda.

References[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ The Foreign Office, Fallen London
  2. ↑ A posting with the Foreign Office, Fallen London "[...] You see, the Foreign Office is a law unto itself. They're mad as hares, if you ask me. And one can't just… use one's influence with them, as one can with the other arms of government. They don't listen to anyone - not even those d—nable sheet-wearing tradesmen at the Bazaar. [...]"
  3. ↑ The Face of London, Fallen London "What a pleasure it is to see you again […] And how happy I am to grant you this honour: the governorship of Port Carnelian. […]"
  4. ↑ Escort duty, Fallen London "A senior diplomat and a veteran spy collar you beside the bust of Lord Palmerston. "Would you mind accompanying this month's reports to the archives at Decency?""
  5. ↑ A particularly foreign office, Fallen London "The core of the building is a copper pagoda. But neo-classical wings give way to hollow marble arches, rainbow glass towers and basalt tombs. It's a warren. [...]"
  6. ↑ A particularly foreign office, Fallen London
  7. ↑ A particularly foreign office, Fallen London "[...] two major departments within the Foreign Office. They both have grand titles, but down here, they're known as the Face and the Teeth."
  8. ↑ Can you make a good impression?, Fallen London "[...] Just watch out for those scoundrels in the Teeth. Valuable work, I know, but terrible people. Don't go anywhere alone with them."
  9. ↑ Introduce yourself, Fallen London "[...] We may have business in the future. Just stay away from those heathens in the Face. They lack all morals, and their table habits are disgusting."
  10. ↑ Paisley, Fallen London "[...] But once you're recruited, they don't let you go. [...]"
  11. ↑ Recruiting at the University, Fallen London
  12. ↑ A particularly foreign office, Fallen London "[...] The Teeth concern themselves with matters of intelligence and the resolution of diplomatic incidents. Most of the people you see here are from the Face. The Teeth tend to be dispersed abroad, or larking about in Wilmot's End, or in chapel. [...]"
  13. ↑ Taking a look, Fallen London "Snuffers. The thieves of faces, who haunt New Newgate, who consume candles, who die so much more easily than men. The Teeth are all Snuffers."
  14. ↑ Making friends with students, Fallen London "Go to the University and note the names of any promising students. I'm looking for wit, resourcefulness and a certain lack of moral scruples. Soft, unblemished skin also goes a long way."
  15. ↑ Taking a look, Fallen London "The chapel is far from orthodox. There are no crosses or crescents or stars. But there are statues of angels. Stained-glass birds. Tiny golden bees. A butterfly in marble."
  16. ↑ Order Vespertine, Perilous, Fallen London "You shall harm no thing that flies, for they carry with them the airs of the Garden. No bee, no bird, no bat."
  17. ↑ HOJOTOHO! (Story), Fallen London
  18. ↑ A particularly foreign office, Fallen London "...two major departments within the Foreign Office. They both have grand titles, but down here, they're known as the Face and the Teeth. The Face furnishes diplomats, mediates foreign travel and looks after dignitaries from overseas. [...]"
  19. ↑ 19.0 19.1 Charm your way into the committee room, Fallen London "[...] The Face selects its candidates very young, and from usually poor homes. Many are street urchins, or the children of the working folk of Spite and Wolfstack. Curiously, one of the most important criteria is a good singing voice. There's an event in each child's selection process called a 'performance' – although they talk artfully around the details. If the performance is successful, the child is educated and shaped for service."
  20. ↑ HOJOTOHO! (Story), Fallen London "'What matters is the message I'm here to deliver: stop interfering with the Songbird Initiative.'"
  21. ↑ HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London "I wasn't stolen, you know. The Foreign Office asked me to join, and I accepted. We all did! One of the diplomats heard me singing, and he arranged for a Songbird to make me an offer. They give us food and tea, and teach us to sing and do espionage. [...] The only downside is that I can't talk to my old friends, for fear of compromising my identity."
  22. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "'J has found a pair of candidates in Flowerdene. Both sing like angels. Second one is female – is that a problem? Paid family usual rates for them.'"
  23. ↑ HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London "You are led to a croissant-laden table where a young boy in a fitted suit sits. [...] The child beams up at you. He is aggressively clean; he even smells of carbolic. He stands up to shake your hand. "Sit down, won't you? We've much to discuss.""
  24. ↑ HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London "[...] The Foreign Office doesn't usually take girls, but I talked to them. They couldn't say no after they heard her sing! Singing's very important, there [...]"
  25. ↑ Wrangle an invitation, Fallen London "[...] You're surprised to see several of them fumble basic points of dining etiquette, but their charm and wit brings them back into the game every time. Where did they learn their table manners?"
  26. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "Members of the Face like to eat alone or in small groups. There is no large dining room, but the Cultured Attaché leads you to one of several secluded booths. Deep upholstery and heavy velvet curtains. A stout waiter appears and raises an eyebrow at your host. The Cultured Attaché nods and the waiter departs. You don't need a menu, it seems."
  27. ↑ The Garrulous Agent, Fallen London "[...] '...paid the undertaker five Echoes. Still fresh, though. Looks delicious...' [...]"
  28. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "You are not one of us, but we like you. I like you. I think you have a future among us. Away from those detestable unbred cannibals of the Face. [...]"
  29. ↑ HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London "The child blushes. "I— it's how everyone there eats!" he cries. "They eat as they please. I'm better than most of them. At least I like my food cooked, and I mostly use my knife and fork.""
  30. ↑ The Press and the Dutch, Fallen London "The Devout Intriguer is having a screaming argument with a diplomat from the Face. You hear "...or I'll feed you to the Saint on the roof!" before she turns to you."
  31. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "The diplomats and functionaries of the Face are going up to the roof, apparently to meet someone. With them is a nervous small boy you've not seen before. Avuncular diplomats take it in turns to pull his cheek and give him coins."
  32. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "[...] The boy starts to sing. [...] What a talent! Where did they find him? He looks like every other grubby urchin in London. [...] Each and every diplomat and functionary launches into song. They're pitch perfect! And what gusto! This is surely London's finest choir. [...] Something up there [...] a winged blackness. [...] It soars around the roof once, twice, thrice, drinking in the music. [...] Back down to tea and smiles. The urchin lad takes a few more coins and is sent on his way."
  33. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "[...] we in the Face suffer a certain affliction. You know that we have each performed for... the thing on the roof. It is our patron and protector, but there is a cost. We suffer terribly with nightmares. [...] But worse, we have... appetites. I mean to say, we're not like the face-stealing scoundrels of the Teeth. But... well, let's just say you'd better not share my lunch. You don't need that sort of vitality."
  34. ↑ Strike up a conversation at the tea urn, Fallen London "The courier takes a gulp of his heavy brew. "Marvellous, isn't it? Our own blend. It grows all the way up in the Flit, you see. It gives me such lovely dreams." His smile would shame a hyena."
  35. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "That night you dream of flying through endless airless voids and of the taste of human flesh. A voice far away screams 'SEE! YOU! FACE! KNOWN! FACE KNOWN! TASTE! FLESH!'."
  36. ↑ Paisley (Story), Fallen London
  37. ↑ Paisley (Story), Fallen London "Mortimer never mattered. We don't care about little dynamite plots. But his outfit violates territorial sovereignty. Sentient non-living items fall under Polythreme's jurisdiction. For a clothes-colony to gain consciousness inside London represents a potential invasion. Too sensitive for the Masters to directly intervene. Too big for Concord Square. I'm from the Foreign Office. Not any department that you'd know about."
  38. ↑ Paisley (Story), Fallen London "I've always disliked formal dress myself," says the assassin [...] "They said I'd never make a decent spy. [...] But once you're recruited, they don't let you go. And they have other uses. They have so many other uses."
  39. ↑ The Report Courier, Fallen London "The courier emerges from the bronze and jade doors of the archive department. He's carrying a thick report."
  40. ↑ It's all about the attitude, Fallen London "You have Shroom-hopping Results Measured Against Unterzee Vulcanism, The Belgians are Coming!, The Tsar's Mechanical Ferret Army and On the Wisdom of Not Inviting the Bishop of Southwark to State Dinners. All – apart from the last one – are complete nonsense. Detailed, highly consistent nonsense, but nonsense nonetheless."
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