The Prelapsarian Exhibition

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"F.F. Gebrandt CORDIALLY INVITES All Londoners to participate in the Raising & Assemblage of a New Museum of Prelapsarian History & accompanying Exhibition..."[1]

The Prelapsarian Exhibition was a significant event of the second year of 1899. London collaborated to establish the Museum of Prelapsarian History — with some twists and turns along the way.

For The Edification Of The Public[edit | edit source]

"The main purpose of the Museum is to display the past – unvarnished and undistorted by myth and fancy."[2]

Two years after her failed bid for Lord Mayor of London, F. F. Gebrandt purchased an abandoned estate in Veilgarden[3] and announced in the Unexpurgated London Gazette that she would be transforming it into the Museum of Prelapsarian History, an establishment that was originally one of her campaign promises.[4] After an immense renovation project,[3][5] securing funding from investors,[6] dissuading any unwanted bureaucratic intervention with a bit of bribery,[7][8][9] and manufacturing tokens that guests could redeem for museum merchandise,[10] Gebrandt planned the opening ceremony for her collection of exhibits.

F. F. Gebrandt

Each of the Museum's wings was devoted to a specific subject. The Palaeontology Wing (also called the Natural History Wing) sought to counteract the "misinformation and charlatanry" spread by the thriving Bone Market;[11] every specimen Gebrandt accepted was examined and catalogued in the museum's Osteology Lab.[12] The Natural Sciences Wing showcased recent breakthroughs in chemistry and physics; it initially had a special focus on Neathy optics — the phenomena of light that could exist only in darkness[13] — but these exhibits were later separated into a small Inorganic Sciences Wing.[14] However, the crown jewel of the museum was its Archaeology Wing — informally the Egyptology Wing, as the Masters allowed Gebrandt to display Second City artifacts, but not to directly call it as such.[15] It aimed to present history free from myth and distortion, and was prepared to accept thousands of artifacts from previous Fallen Cities.[16] Lastly, there was F.F. Gebrandt’s Hall of Recent History, a marketplace for donated items that still held interest despite not being strictly prelapsarian.[17]

Night At The Museum[edit | edit source]

"Something in the air feels wrong. You sneeze. The smell of salt water – true salt water, something not seen in the Neath – lingers in your nostrils. But it's joined by others: Aniseed. Pollen. Rhubarb. Tobacco. Memories from the Surface come to mind. Then the pain starts."[18]

Upon its completion, the Museum of Prelapsarian History was opened to great fanfare. His Amused Lordship, delighted to finally host a celebration after the cancellation of his centenary Revel to End All Revels, organized a grand festival on the museum grounds, even repurchasing many of the wines he had previously sold off.[19]

The Salt Lions, Second City statues built of sphinxstone.

Something strange was afoot, however; sharp-eyed workers noticed the addition of sphinxstone into the Museum's renovations,[20] which appeared to play a crucial role in the maintenance of an unspecified "device."[21] As the crowds streamed in for the opening presentation, the Empress and her retinue paid an abrupt visit to the Egyptology Wing, where the sphinxstone had been kept.[22] Gebrandt explained to the audience that on the Empress' orders, she had used the time-absorbing properties of this stone as the catalyst for something approximating a time machine.[23] And then the demonstration began.

It should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with the Empress that she had asked Gebrandt to make a machine that would summon an apparition of her dear Prince Consort.[24] However, he appeared visibly distressed, and begged the Empress to cease her meddling.[25] Gebrandt informed the Empress that she would have only a short while with the past-Consort before the machine overloaded; once it did, the Empress prevented Gebrandt from switching it off.[26]

As Gebrandt's device continued running until it collapsed, it essentially ruptured space-time, causing headaches and nausea in those present...[27][28] and causing shreds of the Second City to manifest across London,[29] including an invasion of animated stone constructs called ushabtiu (singular: ushabti). While the novelty of the ushabtiu drew in enterprising merchants,[30] they proved more troublesome than anticipated when they turned out to be, well, alive: they vandalized property, played pranks, and generally caused havoc.[31]

An ushabti

Angry Londoners quickly traced the catastrophe back to the Museum, and a mob assembled, demanding answers.[32] Gebrandt soothed the crowd, and a public discussion determined the root cause of the problem.[33] The ushabtiu contained the bodies of Second City citizens who had transported their minds to Parabola; the citizens' bodies harbored a deep resentment that animated their funerary statues, but the parties responsible for their suffering were long gone, so they turned on Londoners.[34] Gebrandt soon came up with a solution: tricking the ushabtiu into entering Parabola physically.[35]

With the help of citizens,[36] Gebrandt manufactured vast quantities of a specially formulated perfume[37] and built a machine to disperse the mist around London.[38] The scent lured the ushabtiu into an enormous mirror inside the Egyptology Wing; as the last of them marched into Parabola,[39] Gebrandt shattered the mirror, trapping them.[40] Mercifully for Londoners' senses, a rare rainfall soon washed away the perfume, leaving the city to rest on its laurels.[41] Only a few ushabti remained in the city afterward, and the Department of Menace Eradication has taken on the duty of hunting down the last of them.[42]

References[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ The Gazette beckons, Fallen London
  2. ↑ The Prelapsarian Museum: Archaeological Exhibits, Fallen London
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 The Prelapsarian Exhibition: Building a Museum, Fallen London "It is unclear to Londoners, 40 years after the Fall, what business Mssr. M_____ made his fortune in. [...] His palatial estate [...] a rare example of unmodified prelapsarian architecture in London. [...] There is no shortage of work to be done; Gebrandt wants the museum to be ready quickly, and will take help from all comers."
  4. ↑ F.F. Gebrandt's Prelapsarian Exhibition, Failbetter Games "F.F. Gebrandt CORDIALLY INVITES All Londoners to participate in the Raising of a New Museum of Prelapsarian History & accompanying Exhibition, to put on Display Curiosities Historical, Palaeontological, & Philosophical."
  5. ↑ Perform backbreaking labour, Fallen London "You are given a sledgehammer and told to knock down a few superfluous walls. Corridors widen into galleries. Rows of bedrooms become exhibition spaces."
  6. ↑ Soothe recalcitrant investors, Fallen London "You appeal to their vanities: perhaps a wing or exhibit might be named in their memory. Perhaps there will be a plaque. Perhaps they might stand closer to the ribbon during the Grand Opening."
  7. ↑ Grease the wheels of bureaucracy, Fallen London "The Dept. of Urban Planning and Spatial Integrity thanks you for your contribution, and asks that you mention it to no one."
  8. ↑ Get the wheels of bureaucracy nice and lubricated (50 FATE), Fallen London "A Delicate Minister runs the Department of Parks, Cemeteries, & Public Amenities. But those in the know (i.e., your good self) know that the true power in that office is a Bespectacled Urbanist. One word from him and you can get the Museum listed as a public park, which has invaluable fiduciary implications..."
  9. ↑ Drench the wheels of bureaucracy in machine oil (120 FATE), Fallen London "F.F. Gebrandt intimates that the Veteran Privy Councillor has taken a certain interest in her project. An unwanted interest – maybe you could help?"
  10. ↑ Obtain some starting cash, Fallen London "The buttery-gold coins clink satisfyingly as they drop into your hand. "Redeemable at all major vendors within museum grounds! Courtesy of F.F. Gebrandt and the Prelapsarian Exhibition. Enjoy your visit!""
  11. ↑ The Prelapsarian Museum: Osteological Exhibits, Fallen London "The Palaeontology Wing is meant as an antidote to the 'misinformation' and 'charlatanry' that overflows from the Bone Market. Every bone is carefully examined and catalogued before it can be accepted."
  12. ↑ The Osteology Lab, Fallen London "In the back rooms of the Natural History wing, the Museum's staff is always at work cataloguing and identifying bones and fossils. Gebrandt has granted you, as a naturalist of some standing, access to this space."
  13. ↑ The Prelapsarian Museum: Optical Exhibits, Fallen London "The Natural Sciences wing of the museum will contain demonstrations and samples of wonders that are only recently known to chemistry and physics. The centrepiece of this wing will be a series of exhibits on neathy optics – the properties of light that can only exist in the dark."
  14. ↑ The Inorganic Sciences Wing, Fallen London "This smaller wing is filled with demonstrations and samples chosen to educate the public on matters of physics and chemistry. Bell jars filled with identically colourless gasses on pedestals. Contrived little experiments with ropes and pulleys to teach schoolchildren the principles of engineering. A few gaps where exhibits used to be – it seems regular repairs are required. Or, perhaps, they were taken out for the sake of safety."
  15. ↑ The Archaeology Wing, Fallen London "That is how it is formally known, though everyone – Gebrandt's own assistants included – calls it the Egyptology Wing. Gebrandt has some arrangement with the Masters that allows her to display Second City materials openly like this. But maybe it doesn't extend to calling it that on the signage."
  16. ↑ The Prelapsarian Museum: Archaeological Exhibits, Fallen London "The main purpose of the Museum is to display the past – unvarnished and undistorted by myth and fancy. The museum's curators are ready to examine thousands of potential exhibits."
  17. ↑ F.F. Gebrandt's Hall of Recent History (Prelapsarian Exhibition), Fallen London "Gebrandt's sponsors and admirers have sent her a variety of oddities and trinkets 'in case she wants to put them on display'. Ever the entrepreneur, Gebrandt has accepted all of these donations – even (and especially!) those clearly not prelapsarian in origin. Any items not fit for the august shelves of her museum have been catalogued, valued, and put up for sale to the masses."
  18. ↑ Consider leaving, Fallen London
  19. ↑ Find yourself a drink, Fallen London "His Amused Lordship spared no expense in bringing the contents of his cellars out to the "lawn" of the museum. Rumour has it he had to buy back many of the wines that were sold off after the cancellation of his Revel to End all Revels."
  20. ↑ Deliver a load of sphinxstone, Fallen London "[...]'a large parlour has been converted into a windowless stone chamber, with basalt mortared in place around its perimeter. Through the opening, you catch a glimpse of some kind of machine, mid-assembly, in the middle of the floor."
  21. ↑ Sell the Museum some of your surplus sphinxstone, Fallen London ""The device... needs repairs." The Museum attendant doesn't go into more detail than that."
  22. ↑ Make your way inside the museum, Fallen London "[...] the royal entourage has already made its way through the museum and into the Egyptology Wing. The ground level is thronged, but you can make your way up the stairs, to the upper galleries [...] overlooking the room at the very back of the museum. The panelled interior of this room [...] has been covered up with rows of basalt blocks. Sphinxstone from the Salt Lions; so this is where that ended up."
  23. ↑ Watch as Gebrandt explains her machine, Fallen London "The stone body of the Salt Lions accumulates time like a mortal body accumulates heavy metals. It is a toxicological phenomenon. [...] We are able to separate out the relevant principles through dialysis, making certain segments of the past available to us."
  24. ↑ Watch, yet more furtively, Fallen London "The Consort – whether that is the real man or a shadow conjured up from the fog – has cornered himself against the walls in fear. He pleads with the Empress in ragged German, and she pleads back with him – soothing and begging."
  25. ↑ Watch, yet more furtively, Fallen London "The Consort – whether that is the real man or a shadow conjured up from the fog – has cornered himself against the walls in fear. He pleads with the Empress in ragged German, and she pleads back with him – soothing and begging. A semicircle of courtiers draws upon a lifetime of purposefully not seeing things, and keep their composure intact."
  26. ↑ Watch, yet more furtively, Fallen London ""I am turning the machine off," yells Gebrandt – for the first time you notice the dull hum that has filled the room, making it hard to hear her speak. For the first time, the Empress acknowledges her with a hiss: "We forbid it!""
  27. ↑ Time: Extruded Like Too Much Forcemeat into Not Enough Casing, Fallen London "The pain is brilliant, shooting up the side of your face until you're not quite sure you still have a face. You are in three places at once and would prefer to be in none of them. You are paying the price for every vice you have ever indulged in as a single lump sum. And then the whole ordeal repeats [...]"
  28. ↑ Collapse to the ground, Fallen London "Everyone around you – passers-by, urchins, the Empress' servants and hangers-on – looks a little green. Londoners lean on lamp posts to steady themselves. It appears it's not just you, then. You can tell that something has changed – but what?"
  29. ↑ A Careful Stroll Around the Neighbourhood, Fallen London "Buildings have appeared around London. Buildings that were not previously there. The architecture […] is undoubtedly Second City; ghosts or relicts of ancient dwellings."
  30. ↑ The Spread of a Novel Fad, Fallen London "Londoners have immediately taken to the streets with wheelbarrows laden with oversized ushabtiu, hawking them for cut-rate prices. Alas, it was too much to hope that this wouldn't become an opportunity for base commerce."
  31. ↑ Unlock the door (Spite and Malice), Fallen London "Your home has not been rudely tossed and trashed. But everything is subtly off [...] In a way, this is worse. It'll take weeks to fully undo. Someone has struck at the very heart of the way you live. [...] Who could be responsible for this?"
  32. ↑ Investigation into an Ongoing Crisis, Fallen London "You are not the only one with this idea, it seems. A small crowd of Londoners has formed around the museum, demanding to be let into the Egyptology Wing, to get at the knowledge therein. They all seem to have experienced similar mishaps – some more severe than others."
  33. ↑ Join the angry mob, Fallen London "Citizens, please." Gebrandt has come to the doors of the museum. "I don't have the answers you're looking for. But maybe we can find them together." Suspicious eyes shoot out among the crowd; it's starting to sound like she's proposing the good people of London help themselves. Maybe even work towards a common goal. A radical notion if ever there was one. She sighs. "If you promise to be orderly I'll let you come inside. I'll explain everything."
  34. ↑ Watch Gebrandt's demonstration, Fallen London "We have ascertained the purpose of the stone entities that are stalking us [...] They contain the bodies of Second City dwellers who abandoned their city for the shores of Parabola. But the statues themselves seem to have grasped some kind of malicious awareness. They resent their sacrificial role, and this possesses them to take revenge on their creators – or just whoever is nearby. Which is to say, ourselves."
  35. ↑ Watch Gebrandt's demonstration, Fallen London "...the original inhabitants of the Second City are long gone, and impossible to locate. We will therefore have to make a substitution of our own – make it appear as though their true masters are just beyond the mirror."
  36. ↑ Hear her call to action, Fallen London "[…] one must make the obvious connection to the emergence of prelapsarian architecture around London." […] "To fight this new menace, we must understand it. […] I have some ideas. But most of the knowledge we need is out there – I need your help finding it.""
  37. ↑ Cover your nose, Fallen London "The scent is heady – borne aloft by ethanol. [...] "I've made enough to clear out the immediate vicinity of the museum. But with some help, I could scale up to industrial quantities. Enough to manage all of London.""
  38. ↑ Distillation and Atomization, Fallen London "The Archaeology Wing is filled with a machine orders of magnitude bigger than Gebrandt's prototype. Laboratory glass has been replaced with brass pipes and industrial copper. The centrepiece of the machine is some sort of column still, out of which all kinds of tubes and coils emanate. But the endpoint of the machine is not a pour spout meant for a liquid – it is a squat copper chimney."
  39. ↑ Discuss the fate of the Ushabtiu, Fallen London "In Parabola, one presumes. My understanding is that they briefly visited the Palace of the Rising and then moved on into the deepest jungles. Perhaps they found the trail of what they were looking for." She shrugs. "Or perhaps they are merely lost. Who can say?"
  40. ↑ Stay and watch what happens, Fallen London "Gebrandt is holding a large steel mallet. She counts a few seconds [...] When no more ushabtiu materialize, she swings the hammer. The mirror [...] shatters into a million little pieces. A wave of catharsis washes over the [...] members of the investigation."
  41. ↑ In Which a Rare Meteorological Phenomenon, Seldom Seen in London, is Recorded, Fallen London "Raindrops batter the window panes of the museum. The sound, for those who have lived on the Surface, is intensely nostalgic – rain, true rain, is rarely seen in London. [...] An impromptu revel threatens to begin. But all of you are tired, and a newly ushabti-free home beckons. When you walk out into the streets, you find them drenched; the smell of water hitting cobblestones has replaced every trace of Gebrandt's perfume."
  42. ↑ Contract: A Malicious Ushabti, Fallen London "London still plays host to a number of limestone menaces – rogue ushabtiu who escaped the events at the museum. Help the Department clean up the stragglers."
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