Mr Slowcake
"The index of notability is Slowcake's Exceptionals, which is widely read... even in the heights of the Bazaar. Especially in the heights of the Bazaar."[1]
Mr Slowcake is the official editor and custodian of Slowcake’s Exceptionals, the definitive guide to who truly matters in London society.
Who's Who[edit | edit source]
"Mr Slowcake would never do something so crass as to appear in public. He's avoided it since the Fall, and isn't about to start now."[2]
As the unseen overseer of the Exceptionals, Mr Slowcake curates and ranks London's most distinguished figures, shaping the very notion of Notability.[3] Beyond this, he is also credited as the author of Slowcake’s Etiquette Guide, a manual for proper conduct among London’s elite.[4] Despite his apparent influence, Mr. Slowcake remains an enigma. He has no known address in London, preferring to reside in a mansion in Hell;[5] he belongs to no clubs, attends no social gatherings, and does not visit his own offices.[6] A curiously reclusive man — or, as some suspect, not a man at all.
Slowcake's chief representative and assistant is the Amanuensis. Taken into Slowcake's employ just after the Fall,[7] he is the actual party responsible for maintaining Slowcake's Exceptionals. A familiar figure to those seeking recognition in London's elite circles, he frequently visits individuals to discuss their standing, offering opportunities to enhance their prominence in society.[8] He visits notable figures, interviews them to judge their notability,[9] and adjusts entries in the Exceptionals accordingly.[10] Though the process is intended to be merit-based, the Amanuensis is vulnerable to bribes[11] and seduction.[12]
Prospective applicants must purchase an entry in order for their name to appear in Slowcake's Exceptionals,[13] after which they are monitored by private detectives.[14] The organization's true allegiances are murky; the Bazaar takes a keen interest in the Notable,[15][16] and the devils of the Brass Embassy have their own quiet stake in the book’s operations.[17]
Mayoral Campaign[edit | edit source]
"Mr Slowcake's candidacy was announced via a three page spread in the Gazette. The argument was long-winded, but its thrust was simple: after years of collating the names of prominent Londoners in his book, Mr Slowcake has had enough.
"Mr Slowcake believes birth and wealth shouldn't determine status: one's notability is all that matters. He offers equality of opportunity. He offers London the chance to become a city of station; a place where every soul has its proper place, determined by its worth alone."[18]
Mr Slowcake ran for Mayor of London in 1896. Under the slogan "To Every Soul Its Station,"[19] his platform centered on redefining social structure around merit and notability, rather than birth or wealth.[20][21] His campaign was managed entirely by his Amanuensis, as Mr. Slowcake himself remained conspicuously absent from public appearances as usual.[22] As a larger goal, Slowcake aimed to democratize London's neighborhoods and institutions, and host public forums to collect citizens' opinions.[23] He garnered support from a diverse array of Londoners, from society patrons and vicars, to zailors and the impoverished.[22]
Mr Slowcake's campaign initially claimed to operate out of Elderwick, but was actually run within the Brass Embassy. Its self-promotion was haphazard, but its intelligence network was so thorough that it hired analysts to develop voter profiles based on detailed personality studies.[24] Despite the fact that Feducci had used a near-identical platform the year prior[25] and made a corrupt farce of it,[26][27] some were eager to adopt Slowcake's plan of egalitarian reform; others questioned the integrity of Slowcake's rankings and the matter of whether he existed at all.[28] Ultimately, the Jovial Contrarian won the election. The Amanuensis was not too upset, though he wished Slowcake had run for Mayor the year prior, perhaps alluding to the similarity between his goals and Feducci's.[29]
The Slowcake is a Lie[edit | edit source]
"We've run out of candidates willing to pretend to be Mr Slowcake. If I tell you, I will assume you'll stop pestering us."[30]
Mr Slowcake is a complete fabrication, an invented figure created to serve the interests of the Brass Embassy.[17] Slowcake’s Exceptionals is not only a registry of London’s elite but a calculated mechanism for soul acquisition. By exploiting British perceptions of social class, the devils have devised a way to rank, categorize, and manipulate Londoners, drawing in those desperate for recognition and ensuring their influence extends deep into the city's power structures.[31] This feat of social engineering is also an experiment: a study of how political ambition and power shape the human soul. Slowcake winning the election would not have been an accomplishment so much as a means to continue the experiment from within the city's government, allowing the Embassy to refine its methods of control and observation.[32]
When someone is assigned to act as Mr Slowcake, the role is purely a functional one; his stand-ins are mere bureaucratic cogs, who are made to approve and reject names and adjust rankings. It is a relentless and taxing, but partially automated, process — so that even if the person performing the role changes, the system grinds on uninterrupted. It could be said that the real Slowcake is not a man, but a machine.[33]
Historical & Cultural Inspirations[edit | edit source]
Slowcake's Exceptionals draws significant inspiration from the historical British reference work Who's Who. First published in 1849, Who's Who began as a handbook of titled classes, listing names without biographical details. Over time, it evolved into a comprehensive directory featuring concise biographies of prominent individuals across various fields.
References[edit | edit source]
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