The Foreign Office

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The Foreign Office is a near-autonomous institution located in Wilmot’s End, operating independently of the rest of London’s government. Staffed by spies and diplomats, it reports only to the Ministry of Public Decency, submitting monthly dispatches of its doings.[1]

The Foreign Office is a copper pagoda. Around it unfurl increasingly eclectic additions: neo-classical wings give way to hollow marble arches, rainbow-glass towers, and basalt tombs. The result is a warren of corridors, cloisters, and curtain-draped alcoves.[2]

Employment here is for life. No one leaves the Foreign Office, at least, not officially.[3]

Major Departments

"Are you quite sure you want to know this?"

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There are two principal branches within the Foreign Office: the Teeth and the Face. Their relationship is marked by professional rivalry. Each acknowledges the value of the other’s work, while disdaining the other’s methods.[4][5]

The Teeth handle intelligence gathering and the resolution of diplomatic incidents. They are often found far from London, lurking in Wilmot’s End, or in their strange chapel.[6] The Teeth are composed of Snuffers,[7] and they tend to recruit from the University.[8] The chapel they congregrate in is an unorthodox one without crosses, crescents, or stars. Instead, it holds stained-glass birds, marble butterflies, golden bees, and statues of angels.[9]

The Face manages diplomats, foreign dignitaries, and overseas relations. Most of its members remain in London, stationed at the Foreign Office itself.[10] Members of the Face are elegant, witty, and polished, but appallingly mannered at the dinner table.[11] They are not recruited from the University.[12] Instead, they are chosen as children, usually from poor families in Spite and Wolfstack. The selection process includes a musical "performance"; a good singing voice is essential. Those who succeed are educated and reshaped for service.[13] This recruitment program is called The Songbird Initiative.[14] An individual playing the role of Songbird makes the offer by song. If the child accepts, they are removed from their former life. No contact with old friends is permitted.[15] Families are compensated for the child's service, if applicable.[16] The result of this process is a squeaky clean little diplomat loyal to the Office.[17] Though the Face rarely recruits girls, exceptions are made if a voice is deemed extraordinary.[18]

Dining among the Face is a private affair. There is no grand dining hall—only deep, velvet-draped booths for solitary or small-group meals. And their tastes are... peculiar. They worship a being known as the Saint,[19] whom they summon to the rooftop[20] of the Office via choir songs.[21] Outsiders know this entity by another name: the Vake.[22] The Saint is their patron and protector, but it is also the source of their monstrous hunger and nightmare.[23] To soothe the nightmares, they drink a special tea grown in the Flit.[24]To satisfy their hunger, they resort to more unsavory means:[25] cannibalism.[26] Members of the Face like to eat alone or in small groups in several secluded booths in their part of the Office with deep upholstery and heavy velvet curtains. They are known to eat raw meat with their bare hands.[27]

Minor Departments

The Toe is a secret department that employs imps as assassins.[28] Candidates lacking the necessary traits for traditional espionage but gifted in other ways are redirected here.[29]

The archival wing manages the Office's extensive records.[30] Most documents are encrypted using elaborate nonsensical code.[31]

Historical Inspirations

The Foreign Office is located in a pagoda, which may have once been the Great Pagoda in Kew Gardens. The Pagoda is not a very large building in real life, but perhaps it could have been destroyed in the Fall of London and then rebuilt.

  1. ↑ Escort duty, Fallen London "A senior diplomat and a veteran spy collar you beside the bust of Lord Palmerston. "Would you mind accompanying this month's reports to the archives at Decency?""
  2. ↑ A particularly foreign office, Fallen London "The core of the building is a copper pagoda. But neo-classical wings give way to hollow marble arches, rainbow glass towers and basalt tombs. It's a warren. [...]"
  3. ↑ Paisley, Fallen London "[...] But once you're recruited, they don't let you go. [...]"
  4. ↑ Can you make a good impression?, Fallen London "[...] Just watch out for those scoundrels in the Teeth. Valuable work, I know, but terrible people. Don't go anywhere alone with them."
  5. ↑ Introduce yourself, Fallen London "[...] We may have business in the future. Just stay away from those heathens in the Face. They lack all morals, and their table habits are disgusting."
  6. ↑ A particularly foreign office, Fallen London "[...] The Teeth concern themselves with matters of intelligence and the resolution of diplomatic incidents. Most of the people you see here are from the Face. The Teeth tend to be dispersed abroad, or larking about in Wilmot's End, or in chapel. [...]"
  7. ↑ Taking a look, Fallen London "Snuffers. The thieves of faces, who haunt New Newgate, who consume candles, who die so much more easily than men. The Teeth are all Snuffers."
  8. ↑ Making friends with students, Fallen London "Go to the University and note the names of any promising students. I'm looking for wit, resourcefulness and a certain lack of moral scruples. Soft, unblemished skin also goes a long way."
  9. ↑ Taking a look, Fallen London "The chapel is far from orthodox. There are no crosses or crescents or stars. But there are statues of angels. Stained-glass birds. Tiny golden bees. A butterfly in marble."
  10. ↑ A particularly foreign office, Fallen London "...two major departments within the Foreign Office. They both have grand titles, but down here, they're known as the Face and the Teeth. The Face furnishes diplomats, mediates foreign travel and looks after dignitaries from overseas. [...]"
  11. ↑ Wrangle an invitation, Fallen London "[...] You're surprised to see several of them fumble basic points of dining etiquette, but their charm and wit brings them back into the game every time. Where did they learn their table manners?"
  12. ↑ Replacement Diplomats, Fallen London "The Face Recruitment Committee is sitting today. You know the department doesn't use University candidates, so where does it find recruits?"
  13. ↑ Charm your way into the committee room, Fallen London "[...] The Face selects its candidates very young, and from usually poor homes. Many are street urchins, or the children of the working folk of Spite and Wolfstack. Curiously, one of the most important criteria is a good singing voice. There's an event in each child's selection process called a 'performance' – although they talk artfully around the details. If the performance is successful, the child is educated and shaped for service."
  14. ↑ "What matters is the message I'm here to deliver: stop interfering with the Songbird Initiative."
  15. ↑ HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London "I wasn't stolen, you know. The Foreign Office asked me to join, and I accepted. We all did! One of the diplomats heard me singing, and he arranged for a Songbird to make me an offer. They give us food and tea, and teach us to sing and do espionage. [...] The only downside is that I can't talk to my old friends, for fear of compromising my identity."
  16. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "'J has found a pair of candidates in Flowerdene. Both sing like angels. Second one is female – is that a problem? Paid family usual rates for them.'"
  17. ↑ HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London "You are led to a croissant-laden table where a young boy in a fitted suit sits. [...] The child beams up at you. He is aggressively clean; he even smells of carbolic. He stands up to shake your hand. "Sit down, won't you? We've much to discuss.""
  18. ↑ HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London "[...] The Foreign Office doesn't usually take girls, but I talked to them. They couldn't say no after they heard her sing! Singing's very important, there [...]"
  19. ↑ The Press and the Dutch, Fallen London "The Devout Intriguer is having a screaming argument with a diplomat from the Face. You hear "...or I'll feed you to the Saint on the roof!" before she turns to you."
  20. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "The diplomats and functionaries of the Face are going up to the roof, apparently to meet someone. With them is a nervous small boy you've not seen before. Avuncular diplomats take it in turns to pull his cheek and give him coins."
  21. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "[...] The boy starts to sing. [...] What a talent! Where did they find him? He looks like every other grubby urchin in London. [...] Each and every diplomat and functionary launches into song. They're pitch perfect! And what gusto! This is surely London's finest choir. [...] Something up there. Where there should be roof and the glim-lights, there is a winged blackness. [...] It soars around the roof once, twice, thrice, drinking in the music. On the last turn, the flight becomes uncertain and the beast shears a stout chimney from the roof, like a sword cutting paper. And then it's all over. Back down to tea and smiles. The urchin lad takes a few more coins and is sent on his way."
  22. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "That night you dream of flying through endless airless voids and of the taste of human flesh. A voice far away screams 'SEE! YOU! FACE! KNOWN! FACE KNOWN! TASTE! FLESH!'."
  23. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "It's probably best you don't eat here. You see, we in the Face suffer a certain affliction. You know that we have each performed for... the thing on the roof. It is our patron and protector, but there is a cost. We suffer terribly with nightmares. It's why the tea is so strong. But worse, we have... appetites. I mean to say, we're not like the face-stealing scoundrels of the Teeth. But... well, let's just say you'd better not share my lunch. You don't need that sort of vitality."
  24. ↑ Strike up a conversation at the tea urn, Fallen London "The courier takes a gulp of his heavy brew. "Marvellous, isn't it? Our own blend. It grows all the way up in the Flit, you see. It gives me such lovely dreams." His smile would shame a hyena."
  25. ↑ The Garrulous Agent, Fallen London "[...] '...paid the undertaker five Echoes. Still fresh, though. Looks delicious...' [...]"
  26. ↑ Mysteries of the Foreign Office, Fallen London "You are not one of us, but we like you. I like you. I think you have a future among us. Away from those detestable unbred cannibals of the Face. [...]"
  27. ↑ HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London "The child blushes. "I— it's how everyone there eats!" he cries. "They eat as they please. I'm better than most of them. At least I like my food cooked, and I mostly use my knife and fork.""
  28. ↑ Paisley, Fallen London "Mortimer never mattered. We don't care about little dynamite plots. But his outfit violates territorial sovereignty. Sentient non-living items fall under Polythreme's jurisdiction. For a clothes-colony to gain consciousness inside London represents a potential invasion. Too sensitive for the Masters to directly intervene. Too big for Concord Square. I'm from the Foreign Office. Not any department that you'd know about."
  29. ↑ Paisley, Fallen London "I've always disliked formal dress myself," says the assassin, watching as you pulverise the hat. "They said I'd never make a decent spy. Not charming. Not attractive. Can't blend in. But once you're recruited, they don't let you go. And they have other uses. They have so many other uses. Just like this one. Allow me to lend you a knife!"
  30. ↑ The Report Courier, Fallen London "The courier emerges from the bronze and jade doors of the archive department. He's carrying a thick report."
  31. ↑ It's all about the attitude, Fallen London "You have Shroom-hopping Results Measured Against Unterzee Vulcanism, The Belgians are Coming!, The Tsar's Mechanical Ferret Army and On the Wisdom of Not Inviting the Bishop of Southwark to State Dinners. All – apart from the last one – are complete nonsense. Detailed, highly consistent nonsense, but nonsense nonetheless."
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