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Revision as of 16:40, 27 January 2024
A sorrow spider the size of a Great Dane sidles up to you. "Are you refreshments?" Its many eyes peer hopefully at you, and then behind you. "We are long overdue a break."
As one of the younger members of the Symposium, this spider is rarely permitted the floor. Prohibited from addressing its fellows, it turns to you. "The subject is language, and its relationship to our sapience. We're meant to be agreeing conclusions. And I'm not allowed to scuttle out for an eyeball till we have."[1]
The Spider Symposium was discovered under the Singing Mandrake during Mr Chimes' Grand Clearing-Out. During the clearing, workers almost fell into the cavernous depths below, however, the pub has now been structurally reinforced, with an entrance to the caverns now found in a narrow entrance in the back of the cellar.[2] Few, outside of the occasional research assistant[3] go to the caverns, as the caverns are filled with hungry sorrow spiders in an endless debate over the nature of language and it's relationship to their sapience.[4]
Most of London is unaware of the symposium below their feet or of the danger it presents, for if the Spider Symposium were to ever finish there eternal debate, then a horde of hungry spiders will immediately break for "lunch" descending upon the city in search of a prodigious banquet of flesh and bone. [5]
The Eternal Debate
Perhaps some of the spiders appreciate your intervention. But certainly not all. It would be best to make a swift exit before they forget their rule: 'no meals in the debating chamber'.[6]
Within the Spider Symposium there are 3 factions (the Small Spiders, the Isolated Titan, and the Scholars in their Prime) eternally deadlocked over their position on the importance of language and sapience. As long as no side faction is able to win, the debate must continue, alongside the various rules of debate, with perhaps none so pertinent as the rule that there is to be no meals in the debating chamber.[7]
The Smaller Spiders are the most numerous but least prestige faction of the Symposium. The spiders possess a devil-may-care attitude debate, with some going as far as to posit that some problems (such as the one being discussed) are so intractable that it is a waste of time to try to solve them, however, this argument has thankfully yet to find purchase amongst the rest of the Symposium.[8] Argumentatively, the biggest flaw of the smaller spiders is that there youth have made them too arrogant, lacking in a singular comprehension of the concept of language and the individual words that they use, which in turn leads them to discard awkward facts and incorrectly cite other scholars.[9]
The Isolated Titan stands alone prominently in the centre of the ceiling.[10] Though the size of a shire horse, it's age is clear to all, and although it's body has diminished, it's arguments and talent has been honed by years of experience.[11] Argumentatively, the biggest flaw of the Isolated Titan is that with it's age has come shortsightedness, it's word's unpersuasive as language and it's discoursed has moved forward, making the titan and it's arguments irrelevant to the contemporary discourse.[12]
The self-proclaimed 'Scholars in their Prime' are arrayed around the chamber in a manner akin to an amphitheatre.[13] These now greying scholars are large, quick in there rebuttals, and confident in there responses.[14] However, argumentatively their self-proclaimed title implies a limitation in there viewpoint, which presupposes that there self-imposed label is accepted by both the Symposium and has a common and accepted meaning, which has yet to be proven.[15]
References
- ↑ Sides in a Debate, ' "A sorrow spider the size of a Great Dane sidles up to you. "Are you refreshments?" Its many eyes peer hopefully at you, and then behind you. "We are long overdue a break." As one of the younger members of the Symposium, this spider is rarely permitted the floor. Prohibited from addressing its fellows, it turns to you. "The subject is language, and its relationship to our sapience. We're meant to be agreeing conclusions. And I'm not allowed to scuttle out for an eyeball till we have.""
- ↑ Head Into the Cellars, Then Further Down, ' "Mr Chimes' Grand Clearing-Out broke the earth beneath the Singing Mandrake (narrowly avoiding it tumbling into the depths). The pub has been shored up, and a permanent – if narrow – entrance remains at the back of its cellar."
- ↑ Accept the contents of a large cocoon, ' ""Since you're doing such good work for us, we shall aid your own." A brown spider the size of a wine-barrel rolls a cocoon towards you. "I had been saving this, but I am willing to share with one of your prodigious talents.""
- ↑ Sides in a Debate, ' "A sorrow spider the size of a Great Dane sidles up to you. "Are you refreshments?" Its many eyes peer hopefully at you, and then behind you. "We are long overdue a break." As one of the younger members of the Symposium, this spider is rarely permitted the floor. Prohibited from addressing its fellows, it turns to you. "The subject is language, and its relationship to our sapience. We're meant to be agreeing conclusions. And I'm not allowed to scuttle out for an eyeball till we have.""
- ↑ Return the Symposium to Deadlock, ' "It's all very well winning the esteem of one of the groups or another – but if they all finally come to an agreement, then they will break for 'lunch'. A many-thousand-strong spider gathering would require a prodigious banquet to be sated. For the sake of the Londoners living above, you'd best side against your academic allies to reduce their advantage and ensure that they face a sizeable opposition from their peers, to prevent such a hungry harmony from being achieved."
- ↑ Affronted chittering, indistinguishable from applause, ' "Spiders indicate fury, and excitement, and humour, through limb waving and rubbing. This very moment, you are surrounded by thousands of excited, stridulating spiders. Individually, the sound would be somewhere between a cricket's chirrup and a metallic purr. But here, the room reverberates with vibrations, and they're only increasing in pitch. Perhaps some of the spiders appreciate your intervention. But certainly not all. It would be best to make a swift exit before they forget their rule: 'no meals in the debating chamber'."
- ↑ Affronted chittering, indistinguishable from applause, ' "Spiders indicate fury, and excitement, and humour, through limb waving and rubbing. This very moment, you are surrounded by thousands of excited, stridulating spiders. Individually, the sound would be somewhere between a cricket's chirrup and a metallic purr. But here, the room reverberates with vibrations, and they're only increasing in pitch. Perhaps some of the spiders appreciate your intervention. But certainly not all. It would be best to make a swift exit before they forget their rule: 'no meals in the debating chamber'."
- ↑ Add your voice to that of the smaller spiders, ' "They possess a devil-may-care attitude towards debate. One posits that some problems are so intractable that it is a waste of time to try to solve them. It is rapidly clicked into silence by its elders. They may be the group with the lowest prestige here, but they are the most numerous. Anything you can do to shift the debate their way is sure to win their favour. And a small favour multiplied by these thousands could become quite a large favour indeed."
- ↑ Turn against the younger spiders , ' "Their youth has made them arrogant. They lack wisdom, discard awkward facts, and incorrectly cite other scholars – suggesting a singular lack of comprehension not only of the concept of language, but the individual words they use to discuss it."
- ↑ Align with the isolated titan, ' "It is the size of a shire horse, and holds prime position on the centre of the ceiling. But its eyes are milky with age, and its limbs creak as it waves a leg to punctuate its point. To 'stand' with the titan, you must climb up a thick strand of web and dangle from the ceiling. The silk is no longer sticky, coated with instead thick layers of grey, oily dust that smears your hands. But there are bulbous knots in the webbing that you'd best avoid, just in case you kick something free that you'd be happier not seeing."
- ↑ Accept some handma— some silk, ' ""Over the years, I've honed many talents." The titan drops towards you on a thread as thick as rope. "Since we are so aligned here, perhaps we share other tastes." It passes you a sample of its handiwork.”"
- ↑ Turn against the isolated titan , ' "The titan is short-sighted, literally and figuratively. Perhaps, once, its words had weight, but now they are laboured and unpersuasive. Language, and the discussion surrounding it, has moved on. The titan has let itself become irrelevant."
- ↑ Propose a Pertinent Point , ' "The scholars in their prime have arrayed themselves on levels around the chamber as if it were an amphitheatre. To speak for them, you need only stand at the front of one wall. From there, you have hundreds of spiders before you – and at your back."
- ↑ Speak for the self-proclaimed 'scholars in their prime', ' "Large, nimble, quick to leap both to a rebuttal and onto an opponent's web. If the hairs on their abdomen are starting to grey – well, it would be an impoliteness to draw attention to it. One does not wish to be impolite with Sorrow-Spiders."
- ↑ Turn against the 'most-eminent' scholars , ' "The 'most-eminent' scholars are called so only by themselves. This self-appellation suggests a limitation of viewpoint: labels can be powerful, but only if their meaning – and merit – is widely accepted."
