The Starveling Cat

"Whose name's on your collar Mr Starveling Cat?" "Come closer, my dear, if you want to read that..."

"The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! It leaps from the box like an acrobat! The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! It claws your face like a rabid bat! The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! If only we could stamp it flat! The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! Don't expect it to stay on the mat!"

The Starveling Cat is a horribly angry, mangy, mind-reading, lying beast that's always Unaccountably Peckish and has somehow lived for millennia. Probably because it has nine lives. And is connected to Mr Eaten in some way.

"The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat!...

...Louder than a dog! Taller than a rat!" (How very ...specific.)

...Comes for the child who acts like a brat!"

...It knows what we think! And we don't like that!"' (We certainly do not 'like that'.)

...It likes your bones! It prefers your fat!" (Yuck!)

...Jumped down the well for a good long chat!"

...Quick as a ratgun! Sharp as a gnat!"

...Sharp as ravenglass! Blunt as a bat!"

...Sits on your chest when you're sleeping flat!"

...Swims like a bloodfish! Tastes like a sprat!"

...Warm as a lizard! Fragrant as a bat!" (Cats are supposed to be cute!)

...Why does it look at us like that?"

...Wraps round your throat like a cheap cravat!" (Yes, it can haz cheezburger! It can haz anything it wants!)

...Look what it did! To your nice new hat!"

...Mangy as a goat! Mad as a bat!"

...Steals from your pantry! Blames it on a rat!"

...Stole your shoes! Ate your cravat!"

...Want to lose a hand? Give the beast a pat!"

...Won't sit on a cushion! Won't sit on a mat!"

...It eats anything! But it won't eat that!"

...Promised you a secret! Brought some rotting rats!"

...They put it in a box! And it hated that!"

...Wore your soul like a jaunty hat!"

...Coughed up some bones on your shiny spats!"

...Perched on top of an Exceptional Hat!"

...Brought a spirifer with a rope cravat!"

...Soiled your soul and became fat!"

Some More Starveling Poetry

"Starveling Kitty! Starveling Kitty! Ruled the roofs of five stolen cities!"

"The Sterveling Ket! The Sterveling Ket! What did it find in the oubliette?"