The Wry Functionary: Difference between revisions
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He is skilled, tactful, and experienced; an old hand at Palace affairs with an inside view of its inner workings. As a veteran of courtly intrigue, he maintains a carefully controlled expression<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Vote_the_Wry_Functionary_off_the_Board Vote the Wry Functionary off the Board, ''Fallen London''] ''"You move the proposal, and the Wry Functionary recuses himself from the conversation. His face does not betray any irritation."''</ref><ref>{{Citation|https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Visit_your_acquaintance,_the_Regretful_Soldier|Visit your acquaintance, the Regretful Soldier|Fallen London|}} ''"The Functionary's manner never extends to exuberance. Nonetheless […] he is more delighted than even he can hide. It is an honour to be involved in a project of this scale; he has a keen interest in the management of corporate affairs […]"''</ref> and has a indirect way of speaking that is carefully measured to not cause offense,<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Persuade_the_Wry_Functionary Persuade the Wry Functionary, ''Fallen London''] ''""The land beyond the mirrors, to the extent that it is also the land reached by honey-dreamers, should be treated with due caution, not to say outright avoidance; though in saying this, I would not wish to be misunderstood in a way that might place a negative or adversarial construction upon the behaviours, habits, or mores of individuals who could be in some way relationally attached to the court of Her Enduring Majesty, especially as these matters might colloquially be presented in the context of backstairs palace gossip." The Board Secretary writes this down as a Yes."''</ref> or give away his real opinion.<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/A_Functionary%27s_Confidant_(Story) A Functionary's Confidant, ''Fallen London''] ''"Not all of us enjoy an equivalent freedom of expression. In my line of work, it would be most infelicitous to say anything that could even be mistaken for an opinion [...]. It would compromise one's function as neutral observer."''</ref> This tendency makes him prone to long-winded speeches,<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Palace_Insider:_the_Wry_Functionary Palace Insider: the Wry Functionary, ''Fallen London''] ''"Few people know more than your old friend about the comings and goings at the Palace. The problem will be getting him to explain matters in fewer than ten thousand words."''</ref> to the exasperation of his listeners.<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Debating_Matters_of_Business_with_the_Board Debating Matters of Business with the Board, ''Fallen London''] ''"The Board is considering whether to vote off the Wry Functionary. "He takes so long to explain his votes," says someone, wearily."''</ref> | He is skilled, tactful, and experienced; an old hand at Palace affairs with an inside view of its inner workings. As a veteran of courtly intrigue, he maintains a carefully controlled expression<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Vote_the_Wry_Functionary_off_the_Board Vote the Wry Functionary off the Board, ''Fallen London''] ''"You move the proposal, and the Wry Functionary recuses himself from the conversation. His face does not betray any irritation."''</ref><ref>{{Citation|https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Visit_your_acquaintance,_the_Regretful_Soldier|Visit your acquaintance, the Regretful Soldier|Fallen London|}} ''"The Functionary's manner never extends to exuberance. Nonetheless […] he is more delighted than even he can hide. It is an honour to be involved in a project of this scale; he has a keen interest in the management of corporate affairs […]"''</ref> and has a indirect way of speaking that is carefully measured to not cause offense,<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Persuade_the_Wry_Functionary Persuade the Wry Functionary, ''Fallen London''] ''""The land beyond the mirrors, to the extent that it is also the land reached by honey-dreamers, should be treated with due caution, not to say outright avoidance; though in saying this, I would not wish to be misunderstood in a way that might place a negative or adversarial construction upon the behaviours, habits, or mores of individuals who could be in some way relationally attached to the court of Her Enduring Majesty, especially as these matters might colloquially be presented in the context of backstairs palace gossip." The Board Secretary writes this down as a Yes."''</ref> or give away his real opinion.<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/A_Functionary%27s_Confidant_(Story) A Functionary's Confidant, ''Fallen London''] ''"Not all of us enjoy an equivalent freedom of expression. In my line of work, it would be most infelicitous to say anything that could even be mistaken for an opinion [...]. It would compromise one's function as neutral observer."''</ref> This tendency makes him prone to long-winded speeches,<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Palace_Insider:_the_Wry_Functionary Palace Insider: the Wry Functionary, ''Fallen London''] ''"Few people know more than your old friend about the comings and goings at the Palace. The problem will be getting him to explain matters in fewer than ten thousand words."''</ref> to the exasperation of his listeners.<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Debating_Matters_of_Business_with_the_Board Debating Matters of Business with the Board, ''Fallen London''] ''"The Board is considering whether to vote off the Wry Functionary. "He takes so long to explain his votes," says someone, wearily."''</ref> | ||
The Funtionary's department is responsible for managing the Palace's budget and accounts. He regularly receives petitions from citizens<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Catch_up_on_his_recent_work_2 Catch up on his recent work, ''Fallen London''] ''"The Wry Functionary reads aloud to you from his most recent correspondence. A gentleman in the perfume trade has submitted an enterprising if self-interested scheme to reduce the stench of the Flit. "One lauds the aim if not the methodology," he concludes, tossing the sheet into the fire."''</ref><ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Follow_up_on_his_work_2 Follow up on his work, ''Fallen London''] ''"The Wry Functionary reads aloud, in the driest imaginable voice, a petition from a woman who proposes a dirigible network to map the Unterzee from above, affixing powerful lights to the ceiling. "If one calculates the expense in Lamplighter Beeswax," he says, "one finds that it exceeds the entire income of Fallen London by a factor of thirty-two. Not that one hasn't received similarly implausible accountings from the Admiralty itself.""''</ref><ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Follow_up_on_his_work_1 Follow up on his work, ''Fallen London''] ''"With a sigh [...] "Common citizens sometimes wish to express their complaints and preferences to the Palace. [...]" [...] The writer has enclosed a diagram of a giant lens [...] ravings about an artificial dawn [...] work quickly or else the New Sequence will achieve it first. [...]"''</ref> and other branches of government,<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Catch_up_on_his_recent_work_1 Catch up on his recent work, ''Fallen London''] ''"[...] discussion [...] setting a time for a [...] meeting to discuss the proper criteria[...] to choosing a Select Committee [...] for creating a shortlist of candidates [...] towards appointing a Supervisor of Venom Certification [...] hinted that the Duchess does not favour the plan."''</ref> | The Funtionary's department is responsible for managing the Palace's budget and accounts.<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/A_Functionary%27s_Confidant_(Story) A Functionary's Confidant, ''Fallen London''] ''"Horrible, I know," he says, clearing a sheaf off a chair for you. "The Palace has commissioned inquiries into the Admiralty."''</ref> He regularly receives petitions from citizens<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Catch_up_on_his_recent_work_2 Catch up on his recent work, ''Fallen London''] ''"The Wry Functionary reads aloud to you from his most recent correspondence. A gentleman in the perfume trade has submitted an enterprising if self-interested scheme to reduce the stench of the Flit. "One lauds the aim if not the methodology," he concludes, tossing the sheet into the fire."''</ref><ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Follow_up_on_his_work_2 Follow up on his work, ''Fallen London''] ''"The Wry Functionary reads aloud, in the driest imaginable voice, a petition from a woman who proposes a dirigible network to map the Unterzee from above, affixing powerful lights to the ceiling. "If one calculates the expense in Lamplighter Beeswax," he says, "one finds that it exceeds the entire income of Fallen London by a factor of thirty-two. Not that one hasn't received similarly implausible accountings from the Admiralty itself.""''</ref><ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Follow_up_on_his_work_1 Follow up on his work, ''Fallen London''] ''"With a sigh [...] "Common citizens sometimes wish to express their complaints and preferences to the Palace. [...]" [...] The writer has enclosed a diagram of a giant lens [...] ravings about an artificial dawn [...] work quickly or else the New Sequence will achieve it first. [...]"''</ref> and other branches of government,<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Catch_up_on_his_recent_work_1 Catch up on his recent work, ''Fallen London''] ''"[...] discussion [...] setting a time for a [...] meeting to discuss the proper criteria[...] to choosing a Select Committee [...] for creating a shortlist of candidates [...] towards appointing a Supervisor of Venom Certification [...] hinted that the Duchess does not favour the plan."''</ref> evaluating each one to decide whether it deserves funding, and if so, how much. | ||
Outside of work, he maintains a modest social life | Outside of work, he maintains a modest social life and plays cards monthly with his colleagues.<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/So_what_are_we_playing,_gentlemen%3F So what are we playing, gentlemen?, ''Fallen London''] ''"A fine evening passes in a cramped […] room that may have once been a royal chamber. […] you come out firmly ahead. But not so far ahead that you won't be invited back. One of the functionaries is taken by your wit, and invites you to visit him."''</ref> He has a reasonable phobia of [[Sorrow-Spiders|sorrow-spiders]].<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/A_Functionary%27s_Confidant_(Story) A Functionary's Confidant, ''Fallen London''] ''"One has a pronounced phobia of sorrow-spiders," the Functionary says. "One wonders how they guessed."''</ref> He keeps detailed diaries which he hopes to publish as memoirs one day.<ref>[https://fallenlondon.wiki/wiki/Try_to_describe_what_you_do_currently Try to describe what you do currently, ''Fallen London''] ''"It's likely that when you leave he will write all this down. He does keep a journal for his future memoirs. Perhaps you'll merit a page or two."''</ref> | ||
== The Lost Lenore == | == The Lost Lenore == |
Revision as of 18:21, 12 April 2025
"He is skilled, tactful, experienced; he has an inside view of Palace business. He will side with Society and the Bazaar, and may give long-winded speeches."[1]
The Wry Functionary is a powerful civil servant at the Shuttered Palace, his counsel sought even by the Empress herself.[2] His office is gloomy but richly decorated, and he is a great conversationalist.[3] The Functionary strongly advocates for law and order, siding firmly with Society and the Bazaar.[4] He has little patience for chaos, violence,[5] or dissidents.[6]
He is skilled, tactful, and experienced; an old hand at Palace affairs with an inside view of its inner workings. As a veteran of courtly intrigue, he maintains a carefully controlled expression[7][8] and has a indirect way of speaking that is carefully measured to not cause offense,[9] or give away his real opinion.[10] This tendency makes him prone to long-winded speeches,[11] to the exasperation of his listeners.[12]
The Funtionary's department is responsible for managing the Palace's budget and accounts.[13] He regularly receives petitions from citizens[14][15][16] and other branches of government,[17] evaluating each one to decide whether it deserves funding, and if so, how much.
Outside of work, he maintains a modest social life and plays cards monthly with his colleagues.[18] He has a reasonable phobia of sorrow-spiders.[19] He keeps detailed diaries which he hopes to publish as memoirs one day.[20]
The Lost Lenore
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Beyond this point lie major spoilers for Fallen London, Sunless Sea, Sunless Skies, or Mask of the Rose. This may include endgame or major Fate-locked spoilers. Proceed at your own risk. You can find out more about our spoiler policy here. |
"You draw him out gently, carefully. He tells you about her taste for reading anthropological studies in bed. He tells you about how she did her own dressmaking, in a circle of foxfire candles, not because she couldn't afford to buy her clothes, but because her preferences in dress were so specific, mannish in colour but feminine in shape. He tells you about the tiny tattoo on the knuckle of her left hand."[21]
In his youth, when he first joined the department, the Wry Functionary met the woman who would become his wife, the formidable head of the department. She was vastly more experienced, highly competent, and carried herself with the quiet authority of someone who always knew exactly what needed to be done.[22] Despite the considerable age difference, he fell deeply in love with her. After a long and respectful courtship, he proposed,[23] to which she accepted. Theirs was a happy marriage.[24] But the Functionary always knew, and accepted, that he would likely outlive her.[25] What he did not expect was how soon that parting would come.
Tragedy struck without warning. While on a pleasure boat, his wife was swept overboard and devoured by a creature of the Neath's dark waters. Her death was final and unrecoverable, there wasn't enough of her to come back.[26] To make matters worse, he was left with nothing of hers to mourn. His mother, for reasons never fully explained, sold all of his wife's possessions to a "Cloaked Salesman" who visited their home unbidden.[27] The mysterious individual carried a briefcase with precisely fitted slots for every item his wife had left behind.[28] Payment was made in Nevercold Brass, along with an additional reward that his mother refused to speak of.[29] Among the lost things, the one that wounded him most were her letters. Their absence remains a quiet ache even now, as without them the memory of his wife's voice has faded away with time.[30]
References
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